Tilbury Fort 2001, 25th - 27th August

"Did you see that JEEP on the end of that TOW ROPE?"

This annual event at Tilbury Fort is hosted by the Essex Branch of the MVT and is a splendid location to display military vehicles of all ages and types.

The Saturday was a real scorcher by way of weather with a large and varied turn-out from all the clubs involved. The EMLRA corner included a newcomer from Hampshire, Mark, with an immaculate and far-too-smart ex-Balkans Military Police Defender 110. This, added to the shiny RAF Ambulance on the stand - whatever happened to Olive Drab?

Those present had the opportunity to make a spectacle of themselves in the display arena every day. After some encouragement from Rex Hunt (aided by his clogs and a sharpened stick) everyone took this opportunity up. The fun here was not the queue to get in or the restricted size of the arena, but in George.

George? Not "our" George, another George.

George King is the Man With the Microphone, and is a veritable fund of plausible stories, little-known facts, and general good humour. The commentary confusion set in when, having been coerced in to driving Sue's Lightweight around the arena, I then reappeared in an Ambulance.

Perhaps at this point I might digress for a moment. Cath Blake is famous for spoiling David Bowyer's commentary flow by answering the question "Why is your Pink Panther painted pink?" with "Because I'm a girl". I mention this because it stopped Mr Bowyer in his tracks. Now, credit where credit's due - George may have been asking unusual questions (as any MC should be), but he wasn't to be stopped. Having recognised me as the driver of a Lightweight some ten minutes earlier, he asked the apparently sensible question that was "So this is yours too?". The expected answer is, obviously, "yes". Instead, George gets "No, this one's mine, the Lightweight is Sue's." This clearly wasn't expected and nearly flummoxed him - but, like the good MC he is, not for long, and the flow of plausible stories, little-known facts, and general good humour continued throughout the day.

On Sunday the rain set in, stayed in and became playful. Arks were built and started to clutter the moat. Steve was spotted selling green towels to the fish. Something would have to be done. Mark had the solution - a large plastic tarpaulin stretched out between two ambulances provided a large enough shelter to house the assembled membership and barbeque from the elements. In the process, George Jackson threw himself from the top of a 101 Ambulance and still nearly managed to miss the floor.

Monday saw the return of the sun and of the Haggis Torturers - the bagpipes were back! Further action was still needed!

Thinking they were safe, the band assembled, marched over the wooden bridge, turned around and prepared to make their entrance in to the Fort...

... blissfully unaware that George and his bazooka had other ideas.

Photos: Mike Allmey